iFearOne

They reflect on the creation of the heavens and earth[3.191]

Thursday, November 13, 2003

As Salam u Alaikum,
It's been a couple days, but I've just been loaded with work. Tomorrow's Friday and I can't waiiit, iA! I'm gonna' be having some company over including neha who's sleeping over. Hopefully it'll be a blast- her, moi, and the digital camera! LoL, wait until i have my picture corner loaded :)
Anywho, I'm getting my report card soon and I don't have too worry too much. I'm just not satisfied. I feel like I've worked so hard, but I just haven't accomplished anything yet. Maybe it's the fact that I'm only half-way through my semester. It just feels like longer. And it's just me. I mean most people I know, the year flies for them with the blink of an eye. For me...it drags on and on and on and on.
I don't need a break. And I'm not stressed enough. There's so much to worry about and so much not. Yep, I'm a worry-wart. I'm known to be one. And as one guy from school put it, i'm just "mad uptight". Ouch. Thanks, Max. LoL. But that's probably one of my biggest flaws. I'm too tense about everything and won't let go of anything unless is perfect. I'm a perfectionest, indeed. Eek, another flaw :-/
Well that's enough of searching for moi's myriad flaws. I'd rather just sit back, relax, ...no I'd rather just be who I am and not change. Then what's the whole point of being me?

Saturday, November 08, 2003

As Salam u Alaikum,

Just got back from volunteering at the hospital. It's a great opportunity to get to meet other people and experience the field of medicine. No really, It's exciting when the hospital is flowing with sick patients and emergency calls. The whole hospital scenario is a thriller. But of course I live in little hicksville where nothing really goes on. A couple minor injuries here and there..doctors tending to close to harmless wounds. Not that I want to see anything catastrophic, but its by luck that I can't experience what other volunteers may in more populated areas. That was the main reason of volunteering. I want experience. I want to get exposure of hospital life and observe all the emergency room scenarios and watch the newborns in the OB dept.
Its a great feeling I get when I have accomplished something. Just observing a patient in the hospital, aware of their illness and figuring out how to tend to them is a great way of preparing and polishing your medical experience. I'm only a youth, but what can I say? I want to know. I want to see. I want to be enlightened.
Who knows? I may not pursue a career in medicine after all. Allahu Alim. I have a passion for journalism, for writing, for photography. But its unfortunate that I don't have a digital camera, haha. As much as I want to take a photography class and capture the beauty of nature and ordinary life, I doubt that opportunity's knocking at the door any time soon.

Thursday, November 06, 2003

As Salam U Alaikum,
It's past noon and I haven't done anything but sit on the computer and create a website. I just want to take advantage of my free time since midterms are over and I have a four day weekend. But I think it's time for me to distance myself from the computer and act upon something a little bit more...enlightening?

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

Salam u Alaikum,

Phew, I'm soo relieved! Midterm exams are over! Just got back from subway, although I can't even, since I'm fasting. Oh, Ramadan Mubarak by the way :-D.
Thank God, I'm not doing so bad in school; just hope I can keep it up. Have a whole another semester and a half to go before summer vacation. Can't wait until ICNA and ISNA! oh man, that's some fun shizz right there.
I'm in a more light-hearted mood today, probably cuz I'm not as stressed out as I was in the last entry. Now that I look back at it, it's kinda deep and personal. But what's venting if you can't express your feelings at the moment?
I have so much to do, but not exactly homework. Extracurriculars can get out of hand sometimes and being an officer in a bunch of clubs can stress you out more than anything else-or at least for me.
I can't wait until the weekend. There's an iftar party to go to every Saturday and Sunday, so many that we can go to every one that we're invited to. But it's all good. I love the reverly, the high spirits. The soberness and tranquility. I noticed that almost everyone changes during Ramadan, usuallly for the better. I've seen things more optimistically lately and my mum hasn't chided me for an "attitude". The house is so much quieter especially since the TV and music is turned off (except during dinner time when my 7 yr old brother is watching his fave tv show on Nickelodeon or watever).
A couple more hours until I break my fast for iftar....which reminds me I have to go pray dhur.
until next time, inshaAllah :)
~Sabra

Sunday, November 02, 2003

As Salam U Alaikum,

First time writing a publc diary...although it would be nice if not many people came across my blog. Not that I'm a very private person, but when it comes to personal thoughts, provocative ones perhaps, I'd rather allow myself to speak freely without anybody telling me what's right or wrong.
I guess that's what has been bothering me these days. I hear of so many altercations and useless debates over the slightest issues. Or maybe things more political like...What is the perfect democracy? the perfect language? the perfect culture? What is the perfect people?
It's this longing for a perfect existence and surrounding that bugs me. I've always tended to see things with ambition..a drive. Yet a more practical one. It's my pet peeve to watch people stare up at the unlimited sky, wishing to reach the stars, believing they will at any second. It's not that easy, you know? Maybe I'm just babbling and talking nuisance myself.
But really, such quixotic thoughts are relied upon disillusionment of the human mind. We're too selfish to realize the reality of life and so we seek solace in illusion and fantasy. Our world embraces vivid colors, purple skies, flying unicorns. But it all dies... It all surrenders to the reality of something too harsh to escape. One experiences an epiphany, the sudden realization that they were trapped in a materialistic, quixotic realm of disillusionment.

That's the problem with our society. We're all over our heads in everything we do. Generally speaking, that is. We might not get anything done because we're resting our minds in our fairy-tale-based imaginations.
Once reality knocks on your front door, things won't be so satisfying any more.
Is it war? Tragedy? A paradigm shift in society? Who knows.

Allahu Alim :)