Salam,
I can't be myself, completely. In school I can't express the love for my deen as much as I would like to or it would seem as if I am imposing my religion. At home I cannot express my passion for public work/human rights as I would like to, for my family (who I love so dearly)dissuade me because they think it takes away from studying, but really how much studying can an individual take on? And my friends, I can't be myself because if I was, they would characterize me as an islamic extremist becuase I just don't like doing things other girls do. As a matter of fact, I would sorely regret it if I had to please them by assimilating to their teeny-bopper, self-obsessed, boy-crazy ways instead of pleasing the One. And I honestly don't care if I don't please friends, because they come and go except for a special few in your life.
So I told a dear friend that I couldn't wait for my "freedom" in college. My freedom to express who I was in the way I spoke, acted, and dressed. But that's a stupid notion. College may be worse as there are more people to talk about you, more to speculate and judge you, so I thought I was trapped. And then I felt worthless for not trusting Allah on this one.

"Strength is not constituted so much by the sharpness of arms as it is constituted by the strength in the heart of the soldier. Justice is so much inherent in the text of the law as it is in the conscience of the judge. Education is not so much on the pages of the book as it is in the soul of knowledge. The realisation of projects does not lie so much in the constitution of committees as it is in the enthusiasm of those who execute them"

Oh, yeah. I'm 18 years young today and any minute closer to death. As my plane from Indiana was airborne, it grew extremely turbulent and it scared me. The pilot assured us it was only a little turbulence, so there was nothing to worry about. But is there? We are given so many Signs of the last Day, yet we do not tremble at the thought of it. Something so trivial such as plane turbulence rings fear into our hearts, yet we read the Quran in verbatim, no sweat, no tears, no anything. Just think...one ayah has the power to shake a mountain. Allahumma bismika amuutu wa ahyaa.
keep it halal.

oh yeah, my family brought a cake, but I wanted my gulab jamun instead. ignore my sister's vanna white hands.