Friday, December 10, 2004
I am sorry for our friendship, but I am thankful for having you
Current mood: thankful
"Mind, ye peoples of the Earth,
Enmity is an evil state.
Live in friendship,
one and all -
Man can have no kinder fate."
-Navoi
It's a lesson to learn, for me at least.
Not that I am an envious person, especially that of friends.
But I have taken friendships for granted, and I have looked beyond our mutual ties, and taken advantage of our trust. I do regret, I do empathize. But of all, I have learned from my mistakes and my irresponsible decisions.
Like anyone else, you would think I would want to turn back time and change what happened. And for some decisions, I would go back and in others, I feel like what happened, was bound to happen. Everything in our life is predestined, or so I believe. It's a part of my religious belief, my iman.
When I have decieved, when I have manipulated, when I have taken advantage, I am glad I did. That sounds repulsive I know, but at least I won't do it again, because I learned what its like to have such qualities or at least people observe that side of you. And after denying you are such, you see people turning their backs and it miserably dawns on you, that yes, you are the bastard portrayed in drama that once ruled a phase in your life.
I do hate drama. And I do hate being a drama queen when I am one. What I hate most is when someone calls m a drama queen, because I hate to admit or accept the fact that I am or can be. I still believe I am not one,but rather have the qualities of when when circumstances prevail. But that's a different story.
In short, I am sorry. I am sorry for the decisions I have made and the hurt I have cause you. I am sorry for exposing a side of me that I never thought I would have and hoped I never did. I am sorry that I acted in such a way, thought in such a way, and ran my mouth in such a way that it hurt you, it hurt me, it hurt us.
And I am sorry that maybe you cannot accept my apology.
But I will never be sorry from learning, growing, and becoming a better person despite it all.
Currently listening:
Vindicated
By Dashboard Confessional
Release date: By 16 August, 2004
I am sorry for our friendship, but I am thankful for having you
Current mood: thankful
"Mind, ye peoples of the Earth,
Enmity is an evil state.
Live in friendship,
one and all -
Man can have no kinder fate."
-Navoi
It's a lesson to learn, for me at least.
Not that I am an envious person, especially that of friends.
But I have taken friendships for granted, and I have looked beyond our mutual ties, and taken advantage of our trust. I do regret, I do empathize. But of all, I have learned from my mistakes and my irresponsible decisions.
Like anyone else, you would think I would want to turn back time and change what happened. And for some decisions, I would go back and in others, I feel like what happened, was bound to happen. Everything in our life is predestined, or so I believe. It's a part of my religious belief, my iman.
When I have decieved, when I have manipulated, when I have taken advantage, I am glad I did. That sounds repulsive I know, but at least I won't do it again, because I learned what its like to have such qualities or at least people observe that side of you. And after denying you are such, you see people turning their backs and it miserably dawns on you, that yes, you are the bastard portrayed in drama that once ruled a phase in your life.
I do hate drama. And I do hate being a drama queen when I am one. What I hate most is when someone calls m a drama queen, because I hate to admit or accept the fact that I am or can be. I still believe I am not one,but rather have the qualities of when when circumstances prevail. But that's a different story.
In short, I am sorry. I am sorry for the decisions I have made and the hurt I have cause you. I am sorry for exposing a side of me that I never thought I would have and hoped I never did. I am sorry that I acted in such a way, thought in such a way, and ran my mouth in such a way that it hurt you, it hurt me, it hurt us.
And I am sorry that maybe you cannot accept my apology.
But I will never be sorry from learning, growing, and becoming a better person despite it all.
Currently listening:
Vindicated
By Dashboard Confessional
Release date: By 16 August, 2004
posted by The Patient Cactus @ 12/10/2004 01:11:00 PM
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