Salam u Alaikum,

Here's a poem I had written for the Thanksgiving edition of the school paper. :)

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The red, the orange, and the most jaded of green
Mark the birth of the autumn breeze.
As the colored leaves sway in compliance to nature’s orders,
And as they pluck themselves from their feeble limb
And as they relieve themselves from their stronghold,
And as they are released into the wilderness
They dance to the hiss of the autumn breeze.

The child beams at the rustling of the autumn floor,
As he thrashes and crumples the blanket of season’s hue.
With his cheeks kissed with autumn rouge,
His tiny nose flushed pink from the autumn’s chill.
Playfully he shrieks as he plunges into the heaps of autumn’s fall
Halt when he smells the roasting chestnuts from where his mother calls.

The sturdy ladder lay against the tree
As the man picks apples and fills his barrel.
When the bough breaks, the apples rumble like the beat of a drum.
He’s rejoiced by the profusion of rich crimson and brown,
He dreams of cherishing his hot cider and apple pie,
Along with a harvest of oatmeal and rye.

The essence of autumn rests on one day,
As the families gather, hold hands, and pray.
Their souls reach out to all those who lack
The abundance they cherish from dawn until dusk.
Their hearts cry out for the children in plight.
They are in gratitude on Thanksgiving night.

As Salam U Alaikum,

I look back at some of my previous entries and realize sudden changes of style in the way I express. It's awkward to see myself ramble on about school on one account and then by the next entry, I'm pouring out my emotions eloquently with caution. It might seem as if I'm "pulling a front" and engendering a new identity for myself to conceal insecurities and blanket my fears. Yet my emotions are all dependent on the speccific time and place I feel them. I spend my winter break/holiday vacation rummaging through old scrapbooks and pictures, finishing a book we only read half of in school (black boy by richard wright), and talking on instant messenger. Hah, once again I feel like a waste of life and care to criticize myself through writing this entry. Again I question my genuity. The feelings I display in this journal are all true, but how far can I express without tarnishing it with sweet little lies? It hasn't happened and wouldnt, but sometimes, those decieving actions are automatically triggered withing myself and it just flows into words. But for this journal, I'm keeping it real.

Alhamdulillah.

As Salam u Alaikum,
I wouldn't consider myself a pessimistic person. I don't always flow with the general opinion, and yet I know I feel what others feel. Sometimes I'd rather express someone else's feelings rather than mine. It's an unusual concept, but every time I do it, I can relate myself to it to some degree, an acute one at the least. I may not percieve someone's feeling in the way they actually do, but rather it being my own interpretation of their thoughts. Why not, in tha case, you might as well discover yourself.

~*~The memories were an indelible mark, scarring my soul, etched deep into my skin. There were some I was elated over, and I felt quite nostalgic in fact. The glorious mornings I would wake up to, as I would routinely stumble out of bed, grouchy and callous. At that time, I might have felt like the whole world was watching me, watching me crawl my way through life, timid and weak. But I look back and ruminate; what might have seemed like feelings of compunction now seemed so intangible. It is an abstract feeling of indulgence and free spirit. I only wish to quell the misery I once drowned myself in. Couldn’t I see the road ahead of me? Did I not realize that there would be time when the waters I once drowned in would evaporate? Dissolve into a state of arid nothingness and the air fogged like my mind in a conflagration? Not once could I have imagined myself dreaming the way I do now. Wishing and hoping for a fresh start in life, so once again I could feel. ~*~

[Mind you, it was also an english assigment (write a paragraph including specific words from our vocab list :-D ) ]

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Dear Experience,


Lure me with your potency

Betray me with your guile.

Pierce my flesh with meaning.

Induce my sense of will.



Unveil the truth behind the curtains.

Cleanse me with your integrity.

Forebear yourself from pretext.

Prove me you are exemplary.



Allow me to see beyond the sky,

Fathom your endless breadth.

Forbid me to misconstrue your time,

Forbid me from stark death.



Murder my every illusion,

Your hands protruding from the dark,

Seize temptation, strangle sin,

Embrace my hopeless heart.


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As Salam u Alaikum ,



Succumbed to my inner peace
Giving in to my own compromise
I know, I feel, I breathe its conformity
The utopia of my soul.




~*~Your's Truly

Question Yourself? What is your utopia?

Salam U alaikum.
Identity

Trapped in a body I can not name,
Listless, dying in endless pain,
Love I lose, lust I crave,
My mind is scattered,
I cannot name.

They clipped my wings,
Maimed and shackled,
Flightless and entrapped,
Defeat I face in my battle,
The heart is fully strapped.

Lead me through the branches, so limp.
Light the candle in the darkness.
Guide me, Release me, the future is dim.
Freedom cries from a far.

Alas, I feel the burning liberation,
The raging fire is my voice.
From the cliff, my last sensation,
I plunge, you cannot hoist.

Discover truth, embrace it.
Only it remains.
The flames have smoldered me into dust,
And yet, I cannot name.
_____________________________________
It's about this character who is struggling to overcome her mixed emotions and set herself free from anything that suppresses her. She is in a complete state of depression until she realizes what lies ahead of her. She follows the straight path; her inner struggles are her jihad...Towards the end of the journeyl, she has embraced reality, discoverd the truth and yet...she still doesnt know who she really is until the day of judgement.
This is just one persepective of the poem..another is the journey of a person struggling with their emotions until he or she overpowers his or her oppressors and becomes defiant and independent. But the only way that person has embraced the truth is by burning in the hellfire and realizing too late...that the only one holding him down was himself...his only oppressor was himself.

After reading the novel, Wide Sargasso Sea as an English assignment, I decided to write a piece to elaborate on main character's negative beliefs on life struggles. Her pessimism foreshadowed her procedure of overpowering her conflicting emotions and surmounting her oppressors. And that was by suicide. No worries, I have no suicidal tendancies whatsoever and I'm disturbed in any way, shape, or form.

It's my emotional release based on a personal experience, watching others and learning that "the human experience is the essense of our fate" as one person had put it. :)



Are you your own identity? Enlighten yourself.