Straighten me with your sword.
27 Feb 2005

I spoke with a good friend of mine regarding our strikingly similar personalities. I've known her for about four years now, alhamdulillah, and it's occuring more often to me that we think alike, we may act alike, and we are challenged with the same struggle. Only difference is that I'm 2 years behind (mashaAllah, she's a college freshman).

We could easily relate about one particular struggle that I continue to challenge and inshallah will surmount with the grace of ya Rabb. I'm fervent about activism in all aspects, and the islamic aspect exceptionally.

As a muslim sister, it's not difficult for me to spawn skepticism among the muslim crowd, and I very much have in the past and it was intentional. I'm not trying to be cynical, but rather I'm testing my boundaries and I have found my niche in the community, for the time being at least.

I am here to contribute whatever I know about the truth, and continue to learn and grow as a young Muslimah. If I see friends lead astray, I help guide them. If I am found guilty of wrongdoing, then I depend on my friends to advise and guide me.


This related to a story about Umar Ibn Khattab:

When he became khalifa he was addressing the people.
He said to the people "what would you do if i became crooked?"
One man among the people stood up and said "If you become crooked we will straighten you with our swords!"
And Umar al-Farooq responded, "Praise be to Allah for blessing me with such believers in this ummah."

When I first heard this, I could only think of a negative connotation. Technically speaking, one can be easily misguided and forget to read between the lines to realize, that if a friend is being led astray, we must guide them back, not help crush them.

Allahu Alim.

23 Feb 2005
I turn to You
My heart full of shame,
My eyes full of tears.
Bestow Your
Forgiveness and Mercy
Upon me.
-Sami Yusuf
Supplication.

I won't post much today considering its 2:15 AM, I have school tomorrow, and I only wish to post back substance into my blogs. I'm usually not a big fan of incessant rambling and posting AIM conversations (never do I care less for dear Serene).

Sami Yusuf has got to be one of my favorite nasheed artists, and this is probably the case for a majority of nasheed fans. These verse speaks out for me and I'm sure for man, but it personally makes me feel like its directed towards me and it stirs emotions.

This verse makes me realize, how scared I am. I've always wanted to believe I'm this bold, brazen Rosie the Riveter, dauntless in all her tasks and deeds. But I am not.
I'm timorous and afraid for my future, for myself.

Ever since the end of Ramadan, I've experience this epiphany in which I realized my biggest fear- Death. I fear the day I bond with my Creator. Why so?
Because my 11th hour is over, and I have no 12 to amend for my sins. I've had these recurring daydreams that I die in a car accident and my last words would be "La Ilaha Ilala Muhammad ur Rasulullah"

Some believe that one should make the best out of life, with a bright smile and optimism, but how can I do that when every other second, I fear what I am doing is wrong, senseless, and not enough to be rewarded in the end of this test.

Allahu Alim.
---------------

And would you look'ey here. Once again, I have digressed into a lengthy post, breaking my promise for succinctness :-/

The Spirit of Allah on AIM
Must we not remember every time of day and night?

So you all must be wandering, why do nerds like Serene and myself converse in the middle of the night, not on clothes, our kid's names, or boys! (astaghfirullahhh, that can only be saved for the day time).

We must engage in a spiritual verse of song inspired by Yusuf Islam.



kashMir7 sb: a is for allah, nothing but allahhh
kashMir7 sb: ba is the beginning of bismillah
kashMir7 sb: tha is for taqwa
sereneeweenie05: bewaring of allah
sereneeweenie05: tha is for sawaab or reward
sereneeweenie05: ja is for jannah
sereneeweenie05: the garden the paradise
kashMir7 sb: ha is for hajj
sereneeweenie05: ha is for hajj the blesssed pilgirimage
kashMir7 sb: the blessed pil..yeah
sereneeweenie05: sorry,c ontinue.
sereneeweenie05: i get excited you
sereneeweenie05: know
kashMir7 sb: kha is for khatum..the seeed of the prophet hood
sereneeweenie05: seal homie
kashMir7 sb: oh
sereneeweenie05: khatim un nabi
sereneeweenie05: wait whats after that
kashMir7 sb: mmm
kashMir7 sb: does it go into chorus
kashMir7 sb: salalahu alaihi wasalam
kashMir7 sb: da is for deen
kashMir7 sb: al islammm
kashMir7 sb: religion of Allahhh since time began
kashMir7 sb: dha is for dhikr
kashMir7 sb: ok i get excited too
sereneeweenie05: remembering allllahhhh
sereneeweenie05: and ra is frot the month of....
sereneeweenie05: RAMADAAAAN OHHHHH RAMADAAAN
kashMir7 sb: ramadannnnnnnnnnnnnn
sereneeweenie05: lollllll
kashMir7 sb: hahaha TAKBIR
sereneeweenie05: :-))0
sereneeweenie05: ALLUHAKABR
(and this continued on until ya....is for yarum id deen)


I need to go back to the first grade because I'm at memory loss half the alphabet :-( orrr I could just listen to this song all night long. Alhamdullillah.

kashMir7 sb: nasheeds just make me wanna meditate so that dont work!
kashMir7 sb: it makes me want to close my eyes and think of Allah when really i shoudl open my eyes and work for the sake of Allah, na?
kashMir7 sb: crap. i said na. does that make me a fob?
sereneeweenie05: lolll, yeah, and i dont understand half of em
sereneeweenie05: and
sereneeweenie05: hahah
sereneeweenie05: na????
sereneeweenie05: cute.

Cute, indeed. Too bad I'm really not a fob, but just another south asian nerd with big dreams of gulab jamun and a doctor husband.

I kidd, I kidd. Doctor Husbands = Typical Desi and not for moi.

Allahu Alim.

23 Feb. 2005
Deeper Shades of Meaning.

A week shortened in honor of our venerable Presidents, giving me a longer week to look forward to. It might seem like the other way around, but like many other HS Juniors, stress has taken a toll on how one measures time. By the time I get home and sit back to an Oprah show before immersing myself in loads of homework, I've already hit midnight hour and I'm stuck here writing a blog, avoiding the studying I have to do for Spanish. And speaking of such a language, I strongly believe that despite my utmost love for Spanish, I think it hates me. :-( Failing quizzes is not so heart warming.
But of course, it's all worth it in the long run. And I wish to make a committment to learning to languages considering my past unfortune with picking up Kashmiri, Hindi, and Arabic. I was fluent in almost all three, and yet I enter the kindergarten class with bilinguity and come out knowing English...anddd some broken ebonics.
No matter what language, their words will always be the physicians of their mind diseased (aeschylus) and when they fuse to give birth to reason in our voice, it's a blessing.

Just give me a lifetime to learn the world's languages, and possibly I can find my deeper shades of meaning.

The antithesis of Religious Spirituality.
21 February 2005
I was speaking with a good friend of mine, one of who's many plans is to organize a "Muslim Prom" with her religious youth group. A plan that I have wanted to make for two years now, yet I have developed an idealology that would deter me from engaging in such.

When she first suggested promoting the event, I agreed to help out and speak with a few of my Muslim friends as well as the youth group that has been blossoming within the very community I live in, masha'Allah. But with every instance I have spoken to someone about the prom, I found myself stepping back and against the idea.

The negative connotation that "prom" has among traditional Islamic values as well as the whole idea of playing mainstream music is stirring a very good debate. I can just see it now, the horde of wrathful molvis and overprotective parents scorning the whole "liberating" idea of muslim women freely engaging in a western occasion.

One must think what is wrong with assimilating with the west and at the same time avoiding to surpass any boundaries made with Islamic principle?

But then I realized that a "Muslim Prom" is the very antithesis of religious spirituality. I can imagine a few hundred Muslim girls dancing freely with their friend to distracting music all together forgetting the importance of muslim gatherings - to spiritualize in a united effort for the sake of Him.

I hate to dissent with the very friends I have advocating the prom issue, but I must beg to differ in such a case that will dissuade me from correcting my performance as a striving muminah.


"Our problem is one of spirituality. If a man comes to speak to me about the reforms to be undertaken in the Muslim world, about political strategies and of great geo-strategic plans, my first question to him would be whether he performed the dawn prayer in its time."
-Said Ramadan

Three day weekends make me feel like a lazy bum because I have this tendancy to do everything last minute. But I keep reminding myself how important time really is. As a matter of fact, I promised myself I would start studying after this post, but then my superego convinces me that I'm too hungry, sleepy, or preoccupied to ever do anything productive. But Allahu Alaa, when one can contemplate the value of time, he or she will realize its precious role in this world as well as the preparation fo the hereafter.

There is this famous saying, that personally inspires me, that states that a man who tries to change in the 12th hour dies in the 11th. It's a scary thought, but it motivates me to believe that my last breath should be a sweet one insha'Allah.

Ibn 'Umar used to say, "If you survive till the evening, do not expect to be alive in the morning, and if you survive till the morning, do not expect to be alive in the evening, and take from your health for your sickness, and (take) from your life for your death."

Sunday, February 06, 2005


My Faith in my action, my Action in my faith
Current mood: busy

When I was 13 years old, I started wearing hijab. Though only a simple head cover, it changed my life, how I percieved everything around me, and it significantly altered the path I was leading into.
It was this change that many were astounded by, my parents were left shocked, friends were either proud or ignorant, and I started to feel like every action I would commit, every decision I would make would be made with the consideration of my hijab, and even more my identity as a Muslim.
People say i've gone OD on my religious faith (overdoing my practice), others have respected my decision and how I further advance in this world with hijab, and others just like to run their mouth, and not for exercise.
And along with this decision to observe hijab, came a strong investigation into other aspects of my faith including daily prayers, fasting during the month of ramadan, charity, and clearing up my intentions for pretty much everythign I did and continue to do.

Out of all the changes in my life and my personality, I would have to say there is one character spawned from such decision that I desire most. And that is the desire to make a difference. I love being unique, outspoken, and strong-willed, pious, learned but it takes a lot to fulfill such characteristics, and it takes leadership and confidence. I have yet to fulfill some of these characteristics, but with the grace of Allah, I shall succeed. :-)

So to all the non-Muslims who do read this post, please realize that there is NOTHING wrong with asking me any questions about what I do and how I do it. Don't be afraid to ask why I follow the religioin I follow, wear the hijab that I wear, and carry such confidence in a faith that has unfortunately been labeled an infamous anarchy. The more you learn the TRUE Islam, the more you appreciate its principles, respect it, and comfortably relate to.
Don't be afraid to ask me anything. I have opinions, I have answers, and I'll try to have patience (patience is my name :-D or thats what it means)

So because of this strong yearning to make a difference, I've been wanting to help out the community. With a few others, we have accomplished such like Friday Tafsirs, Summer picnics, volunteering at the religious sunday school. And now we are off to establishing an amazing youth group, a bigger and more interacctive one than we have had before.

So I feel it is my responsibility to inform all of you of the message I sent out to those coming to the next meeting, insha'Allah (god willing) and the reason why we do such.:


Salam u Alaikum wahramatullahi wa barakatahu,
I hope this reaches everyone in the best of health and iman, insha'Allah.

Alhamdulilah, the ISNJ's Sunday School post-Eid celebration had a
successful turnout. Plenty of food brought by the families that
attended, Br. Farouqi captured everyone's attention with his lecture
on Islam and Science, and best of all, we have come to a date for
another youth group meeting insha'Allah.

Please, put in your best effort to attend the meeting on Friday, 7 00
at the Boonton Masjid before Br. Jawad's lecture.

All youth are welcome, whether you're in high school, college, or
older. The unity of this ummah depends solely ont he pure intentions
of the youth, for we have clearly forgotten our role and identity as
Muslims.

We must remind ourselves and the youth of our true purpose in life and
how we can execute our goal, the goal to serve Allah (swt). We must
remember that Islam is a gift, not a burden.

We must remember that the Rasul (s), was a mercy to mankind, a
perfect example for us to follow. We must remember that Islam is a
religion of love, and when we love back, we will be content.

We must remember that Islam allows for the beauty of our culture and
is truly an ease upon our hearts..

Surah Rahman: "Which of the favor of your Lord will you deny" : what
favor of Allah can we deny? The beautiful favor or gift, is our
identity that we let go and forget.


We have forgotten why we exist. We have forgotten what lies in our
fate. And we have truly forgotten to fear. Why so? Because we are too
involved in this dunya, when really it is just a fraction of a dream
compared to the afterlife.

May Allah swt bless you all if you make this effort to participate and
strive in the cause for Islam. insha'Allah.


Salam u Alaikum wr wb,

(some of this has been inspired by a conversation with the MYNA Program committee)

Currently reading:
Grendel
By JOHN GARDNER
Release date: By 14 May, 1989

Tuesday, February 15, 2005


O soul. Watch out!
Current mood: discontent

"O soul. Watch out! Help me with your striving,
in the darkness of the nights;
so that on the Day of Qiyâmah,
you will win a good life on those heights. "

I wish to be a true muminah. inshallah, inshallah.

Currently reading:
My Enemy, My Self
By Yoram Binur
Release date: By 01 June, 1990

Drying up the Congo River:


Every slab of brick was withering into a coppery-red powder. I brushed my fingers up against the cool brick only to leave its residue staining my fingers, my clothes, and my face. But I didn’t care. Indifferent to this unusual filth, I was numb to the sweltering heat that struck the very hairs on my head, scorching my scalp. I gazed at my surroundings, ever so nonchalantly.

There was little to say about this tragedy. The town seemed uninhabited, but it was this painful cry of silence that permeated the hot air on behalf of its people, calling one to have mercy on their souls. I was a soul, but a lost one. I looked up to see the men ogling at the dry nothingness that laid in the distance, crouching on their rooftops as if to protect their property, their family, and their life. It was fake, though. It was hopeless for them to be heroes. And the women. They were hidden in the dark corners of these brick huts, tending to their parched children, waiting patiently for their demise.

Once unbearable to see, I was now unruffled with eyes stone-cold. What could I do for these people? How could I liberate the men bound to restrictions of their repressors? How could I unmurder the children and unrape the women? How could I undo the misery of these aging brick walls and save the victims trapped within? How could I do such a thing, when I was only one of them?

Friday, February 04, 2005


Happy Birthday to me!
Current mood: drained

"And the same peace on me the day I was born and the day I will die and the day I would be raised alive."- surah maryam

Alhamdulilah. I've been blessed with another year of life. Another year to fulfill my deen, strengthen my inner faith, repent for my wrongdoing, and to learn, grow, and succeed. inshaallah.

Follow up:

I had an awesome weekend!! Thank you to ALL the 49 people that imed me while I was away to wish me a happy birthday. That totally rocked my sockssss, and I want to thank ALL my girls that threw me that suprise party. No joke, this weekends probably the best weekend i've had in AGES.

Currently reading:
11 Practice Tests for the New SAT and PSAT: With Free Access to Online Score Reports and More SAT Help
By Princeton Review
Release date: By 13 July, 2004

Tuesday, February 01, 2005


Kudos to RAWA
Current mood: productive

I've been pursuing this bookathon and I'm not doing so bad with my streak. I had read End Game, a book on the fall of Srebrenica and the massacre of thousands by Serbian army in a damned UN safe area. Just proves what the UN can do. Maybe I shouldn't say that, considering my qualification is negative 100% compared to the prodigies of the U.Nations. But how could the UN ignore an estimate 7000 be slaughtered when dutch peacekeepers were supposed ot protect it? Decent book, a little insipid in the beginning but end is decent. Blood and gore always gets the crowd. :-x

So then I went on to my next book on RAWA, the Revolutionary Afghan Women's Association (called Veild courage) It's FASCINATING how women like these poverty stricken, society-degraded, yet determined women were able to rise up through clandestine means and surmount the fundamentalists. Praise to the founder, Meena and its advocates. You would never believe its supporters- membres of the very own Taliban backed them up! In secret that is, they wouldn't want to be killed for such a heretical crime.

Meena's become my new inspiration, and i'm hoping to look more into RAWA, see if i could help promote the awarenes because they still are in need. Women continue to be second-class citizens if that in third world countries including AFghanistan and tribals like Pashtun, Peshawar in pakistan as well.


But what reallys irritates me is the thin boundary one can cross and misinterpret when it comes to Society Vs. Culture. It's apparents that the Taliban are a bunch of bellicose islamic fundamentalists with their turbans wrapped up too tight. But who's to blame? The Northern Alliance? Invasion of Soviets? Islam?

Anything, but Islam. I'm telling you. For goodness sake, the religion's own name means Peace. It's believers greet another with the word "peace be with you" and end with the same. Since the revelations given to Rasul (s), the last prophet of Islam, women were hte first to be given the civil rights that many in other countries and generations fought for, for until the 19th amendment came about and was actually enforced.

True Islam is justified. Taliban should be crucified.

Currently reading:
Veiled Courage: Inside the Afghan Women's Resistance
By CHERYL BENARD
Release date: By 09 April, 2002