uesday, December 28, 2004


down with surveys, hail to contemplative messageboards
Current mood: excited

Anyways, fyi, my grandparents are coming tonight from Kashmir and staying with us for a few months inshaAllah (god willing). I've been awaiting there arrival the whole day so I pretty much utilized my time readaing and watchign Oprah. That woman is just phenomenal. I give mad kudos to such an industrial inspiration. Today's show coincided with CNN as they visited 17 different countries and talked to the average 30 year old woman. I didn't even realize the prosperity of Kuwaiti women! Ever since their new constitution in 1967, they have become one of the most liberal democracies in the middle east, in spite of the ban on voting for women remains. But I woudln't say they are oppressed at all! as some Americans assume.
Then they showed the women of communist cuba. You would think socialism promulgates equality, but really it just means low class living for everyone.
PRopably the most touchign segment was the interview with a woman from Rwanda. I've been trying to research a lot about Rwanda and Sudan lately and it definately spurs emotions considering the fact that there's barely any media exposure in these countries, espeically Rwanda since their genocided occured a decade ago.
They say ignorance is bliss. But I believe it creates the corruptive blanket of misconception and bigotry.
damn ignornance to hell!

Friday, December 24, 2004


The worldly gains distract you
Current mood: energetic

I went to jumah today and bought these three cd's with lectures by Muhammad AlShareef. MashaAllah, I always had a good impression of him, but after listening to his lecture about 'ilm and "the third parent", I'm really impressed. He really convinced me with the whole concept on how television and media can impact a muslim's perspective of pretty much everything, especially how they observe their faith. It's motivated me to strive more into refraining from distractions. In one segment, he asked someone to translate amusement park in arabic, and he called it a distraction park. IT's so true how the hedonistic lifestyle that many of us indulge in are really ineffective towards our life-ambitions, or at least mine. If I wish to strengthen my iman (faith) and grow more knowledgeable, common diversion like television really play a nominal role in helping me, if any at all.

And then at tafsir today, we were reading the tafsir of Surah Takathur. "Rivalry for worldly gains distract you...until you visit your grave!" 104:1/2

Amazing. Our materialistic, self-absorbed society is the first to divulge in satanic committment. We don't even realize it, and that just demonstrates the clandestine efforts of the evil within us and those that surround us.
Until you visit your graves....so might as well act now, and fight our most cynical of desires.

Currently reading:
In the Shade of the Quran
By Sayyid Qutb
Release date: By 01 June, 1995

hursday, December 23, 2004


Fahrenheit 9/11
Current mood: enraged

I rarely ever go to the movies, and if I do, its with a couple chickflick obsessed friends. And hey, there's nothign wrong witht hat. I love chick flicks when I have the time for them. Otherwise, its a bunch of nonsensical crap that plays no significant role in affecting me or my goals.

So I usually don't go to the movies, instead I end up renting a couple on free nights like this one. Fahrenheit 9/11- heard so much about it and I'm almost positive that every single person reading this post and watched it already. But I'm a slow one when it comes to getting with the program on movies.

I always thought this was overplayed,overrated, and the epitome of propaganda regardless of my view on the issues brought forth in the documentary. AFter watching this film,however, and watching an interview with Michael Moore, I really want to say, Bush is one son of a btch.
But I'll be more mature about this, and give major props to Moore for ever producing, writing, directing a brilliant piece of journalism, not propaganda.
I loved it, just simplyyy loved it.
Tearjerker too :-)

Currently watching:
Fahrenheit 9/11
Release date: By 05 October, 2004

Tuesday, December 21, 2004


Advocating jihad, not terrorism
Current mood: productive

I was reading the book that br. shakil sent me a week or so ago. He was right. I should have started it during spring break, because I just don't want to put the book down. I only read the preface but I'm drawn into it already. I love how he started off with an introduction that helps non muslims understand jihad. It's definately a belief that has instigated quite a controversy and has been twisted, warped, and propagandized in media. Don't we all just admire yellow journalism :-)

I won't be able to complete my thought on jihad in just one post since I have some newspaper editting to do. But let's start from here. Jihad means struggle. The struggle to strive for the best. It is commonly associated with holy war. To some extent, this term can have feasible relation to jihad, but jihad is a powerful subject, in its own entirety. The most misapprehended idea is that jihad is the fight against non-Muslims, infidels, etc and the only means of conquering such a struggle is through violence and the break out of war. But really, Jihad is in no means a holy war because anything holy must be in the name of God. And when you are fighting the agressors in the name of God, you are not killing them just for self defense. But rather, you are warning them that if peace is not possible, then they can only resort to war and that was very occasional during the life of Prophet Muhammad. The actual battles were fought in one day and he fought with all due respect towards his opponent.

I remember reading this hadith (recording of the Prophet's actions and beliefs) that there was a funeral for a Jewish soldier across from the Prophet and the sahabas (his companions). The prophet had stood up in respect of the soldier even though he fought against his own people. A sahaba asked him why he did such a thing, and he assured them that despite the fact that he was an enemy in war, he was nonetheless human, God's creature, and deserved the respect of a human.

There's also this verse in the Quran that mentions "If they turn away from you, know that We have not sent you to be there keeper. your only task is to deliver the message entrusted to you" 42:48.

This also broaches the subject of forcing Islam upon others. This of course is not allowed, so why even bother criticizing Muslims for imposing such a thing. I've heard the accusations.


Bck to the subject of jihad, persecution is known to be an even greater crime than killing. So basicall if one strips someon's rights and freedoms especiailly during war (oppressing the opponen'ts people for example), then they are creating even a graver sin.

This is not enough to suffice the understanding of jihad, but next time you hear such a term, try not associating it with terrorism. Because really kids, its no where close to that side of the spectrum.

I observe jihad everyday, and so may many of you. Life's a beautiful struggle.

Currently reading:
Muhammad: Man and Prophet : A Complete Study of the Life of the Prophet of Islam
By Adil Salahi
Release date: By 01 May, 1998

Sunday, December 19, 2004


blood for oil, oil for blood
Current mood: amused

Anyways I was reading this thing that Khomeini wrote I guess after the iranian hostage crisis in the 1970's. It's just so weird to be on the fence when each side believes the other one is totally reprehensible for something so heinous, that there shouldnt be anyone on the fence. I mean as an American reading an excerpt on the iranian hostage in history class, I would say "Man, they have the nerve to take hostage of us embassy, taking life threatening risks, and put a bad name on not only Iranians, but Muslims world wide" And then read Khomein's excerpt on his perspective and It just made so much sense.I'm not saying that the hostage crisis was a wise decision on khomein's part but does a middle class, superious United States really know what political oppression is? What about religious conflict within the secular state? Or the controversy over democratic, islamic, and republic possibly all in one sentance. It just doesn't rock the US boat.We have freedoms, we have diversity that allows us to bridge the gaps of discrimination and in Iran's case, arabism. I mean really, could you put urself in the shoes of an Iranian boy or girl your age who's feet are covered in an amalgam of dust and blood from running so hard next to a trian full of middle class iranians begging for just a crumb of their bread? who's scarce property lies above a rich river of oil that submerges from the dust into a geyser of financial value to not the Iranians! no way! but the foreign leading industry of the world! America.

I love my country. I love my homeland. But I hateee hatteee hateeee blood for oil.

Currently watching:
Mean Girls (Full Screen Edition)
Release date: By 21 September, 2004

Sunday, December 12, 2004


The Flower will Never Fail its Roots
Current mood: content

I just got back from a sunday drive with my dad- i'm actually improving and not as reckless as I usually am. But I still seriously am considering getting of those "Woman Driver on the Road" stickers cuz I definately fulfill the stereotype. But insha'Allah (god willing) I won't get into any freak accidents like I almost did on my drive down to Princeton, nJ

Anyways, last night was a long one with family over from Ptown and a wacko computer. I wrote a poem that my good ol pal Andi suggested me to write- how i feel about kids sticking to their cultural roots. And do I feel pretty strong about that topic. Only thing is, after writing a piece, I had to constrict it and twirk it until it conformed to the gov. school restrictions since I'm only allowed exactly 100 words with terms such as Hurst Tool, redwood, and refridgerator used in it. I mean seriously, I hate restrictions in expression.

But here it is:

The Flower Will Never Fail its Roots

The flower has bloomed from the roots of its traditions
Its brethren sprung among the fields
Bringing a new color into the garden
An odd beauty among others, never will it yield.

Dealing with the perpetrator
Plucked, maimed, and pulled
Pressed and dried, stuck to their refrigerator
Shoved in a vase on their kitchen stool

Never they will crumble to man’s clout
Forever they will prevail
And their pride, not even a Hurst Tool can oust
Their fight will never fail.

A fleur-de-lis among the redwood
This land is truly blessed
Sundry is this melting pot
These flowers have coalesced.

Currently listening:
A Is for Allah
By Yusuf Islam
Release date: By 11 July, 2000

Friday, December 10, 2004


I am sorry for our friendship, but I am thankful for having you
Current mood: thankful

"Mind, ye peoples of the Earth,
Enmity is an evil state.
Live in friendship,
one and all -
Man can have no kinder fate."
-Navoi

It's a lesson to learn, for me at least.
Not that I am an envious person, especially that of friends.
But I have taken friendships for granted, and I have looked beyond our mutual ties, and taken advantage of our trust. I do regret, I do empathize. But of all, I have learned from my mistakes and my irresponsible decisions.

Like anyone else, you would think I would want to turn back time and change what happened. And for some decisions, I would go back and in others, I feel like what happened, was bound to happen. Everything in our life is predestined, or so I believe. It's a part of my religious belief, my iman.

When I have decieved, when I have manipulated, when I have taken advantage, I am glad I did. That sounds repulsive I know, but at least I won't do it again, because I learned what its like to have such qualities or at least people observe that side of you. And after denying you are such, you see people turning their backs and it miserably dawns on you, that yes, you are the bastard portrayed in drama that once ruled a phase in your life.

I do hate drama. And I do hate being a drama queen when I am one. What I hate most is when someone calls m a drama queen, because I hate to admit or accept the fact that I am or can be. I still believe I am not one,but rather have the qualities of when when circumstances prevail. But that's a different story.


In short, I am sorry. I am sorry for the decisions I have made and the hurt I have cause you. I am sorry for exposing a side of me that I never thought I would have and hoped I never did. I am sorry that I acted in such a way, thought in such a way, and ran my mouth in such a way that it hurt you, it hurt me, it hurt us.

And I am sorry that maybe you cannot accept my apology.


But I will never be sorry from learning, growing, and becoming a better person despite it all.

Currently listening:
Vindicated
By Dashboard Confessional
Release date: By 16 August, 2004

Thursday, December 09, 2004


Way too many mistakes on my plate
Current mood: lonely

Oscar wilde, this irish playrights who's plays I really haven't read and don't really want to, did once say that experience is the name we give all our mistakes. Looks like I'll be one heck of an experience woman. I agree with pretty much everyone that knows me that I'm really hard on myself, but I feel like there is no doubt that I make more mistakes that anyone I know. I wouldn't say its a fact, but that's how I feel and it really is frustrating. But I'm trying to be the optmistic person that sometimes I am not, and realize that after all these mistakes, I can learn from them, and be a better person.

But can one reach the point in which they have made mistakes beyond comprehension that it makes the person seem like they are one big mistake? I don't have enough low self-esteem to say I'm one of them, but I'm sick of not realizing things and thinking ahead. Maybe I'm just so stupid, that I can't analyze things before I decide upon it, or maybe I can't focus. Oh shoot, maybe I have ADD?! That should explain my off the wall rantings that occur sporadically in the day and my unpredictable mood swings.


I've botched up decisions in all aspects, my life in general. School grades, priorities, family....friends. And I regret it because people go through life wihtout making these mistakes. But maybe I'm meant to make these mistakes to learn from them because people come to me. They come for advice and I can advise them with my experience.

I just hope people are forgiving of my mistakes, and I, too, can be forgiving of others. This world wouldn't be so dramatic, then, or at least on my side of the spectrum :-/

Currently reading:
Islamic Politics and the Modern World (Reference Shelf, Vol 62, No 5)
By Andrew C. Kimmens
Release date: By 01 April, 1991

Wednesday, December 08, 2004


Political Romance?
Current mood: mildly pained

Sometimes, I feel blessed being female and sometimes, I become that stereotypical pmsing moody drama queen woman when I'm not feeling to hot like today. So yeh, today some light was shed on my darker, catty side
lol I tend to be a pugilist sometimes, and that's not good for my peace, love, and unity motto.

But yeh I came home early from feeling like I got kicked in the stomach, if you know what I mean, girls, and I slept for about 3 hours and woke up at six feeling more crabby than before.

But anyways, I was reading this article about Iraq's interim president Al-Yawer and you would think that he's least suitable for the position considering most Iraqis voted him as the last most popular political figure int he country. But he has good relations with their neighbors and especially with the U.S., so might as well.
I kinda have a good impression of this guy after a reporter questioned his marriage with another political figure and asked him if he only married her for the sake of politics. He said it was completely a romantic union and the reporter as how the heckk can you have time for that?? and he replied with "If you don't have time for love, how can you love your country?"

Hey, he could be fronting, but that's slick.

Currently listening:
Bread & Barrels of Water
By Outlandish
Release date: By 10 November, 2003

Tuesday, December 07, 2004


fBI folly
Current mood: blah

Ok, So I just read this article on BBC about "military lawyers defending civil liberties" Make sense? Basically, the government had their eyes ona military intelligence official who served 8 years in teh US Army. So now why would FBI agents storm to his house one morning and arrest him? Because this man, despite the fact that he hadnt traveled outside the country in a decade, was accused of having ties with the Madrid train bombing in Spain last year that killed about 200 people. What was FBI's evidence? Vague segment of a fingerprint and used a certain book that upheld their suspicion of him.
So basically, Brandon Mayfield was jailed for a few weeks while they went through "thorough" investigation to finally recant and declare his innocence.

So why all the hub bub in the first place? Well, lets just say three things. He converted and became a chaplain in the army. He converted to Islam. According to their evidence, the Quran that he had in his house was sufficient enough to believe that he had ties with the Spanish trains.

Need I say more? We've gone OD on the paranoia here. 9/11 is a tragedy, but must it be so overplayed, that we track down some of the most innocent people. So, racial profiling or is the FBI just doing their job professionally and thoroughly? You decide, cuz I really shoudl get back to studying. :-)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4066775.stm

Currently listening:
Bismillah
By Yusuf Islam
Release date: By 01 September, 2001



PART 2


Ugh I hate computers- I have to write this all over agian
Current mood: working

This is pathetic. Bush admin. is calling on Kofi Annan ot resign??? Are you kidding me? Because now the world is accusing him of fraud and lack of overseeing Iraq under Saddamn's rule. Please, and we charge into Fallujah withOUT the UN, place some kind of ridiculous military installment that will only further incite the Iraqi to rebel and promote more terrorism and hate towards America. Maybe politics is way more complicated than this for me to comprehend, but really if we're trying to stop terrorism, then why are we so easily provoking it?
And now the UN is being castigated for a nominal affair considering the oil for food scandal was not in their hands, but rather Saddam and his 20 bill smuggling is reprehensible.

So now the world, or at least our political experts want to get rid of one extraordinary peace-keeping, globe-unifying, nobel peace prize winning legend with a convincing yet famously sonorous voice? Now really, who will you replace him with? That's right. Kofi is the man.


and now back to calculus! :-D

Currently reading:
Advanced Calculus : Second Edition (Prentice-Hall Mathematics Series)
By David Vernon Widder
Release date: By 01 August, 1989

Monday, December 06, 2004


Respect is what I deserve
Current mood: optimistic

Why are you so beautiful? Your noor is like the sun aset the west horizon, calling all to evening prayer. Your struggle is a sweet fusion of mind and soul. And your eyes. Oh your eyes. It's that twinkle that shines likea shooting star. A beautiful twinkle of deen. I wish to melt into them and catch your shooting star.
=======

I've always been a stickler for respect. A Woman, a Minority, a Majority, the in-crowd, the outcasts and mavericks, the killers. They all deserve respect at least for being what they naturally are- human. But there are certain stages of respect that can be earned depending on one's circumstance and how one holds themself..
I'm a woman, i'm a minority by race and in many other aspects. And I deserve respect.

Without this value, how else could we be a superior species of life? As one of the most amazing poets one said, If we lose love and self respect for each other, this is how we finally die. - Maya Angelou.

Currently listening:
Experience Hendrix: The Best of Jimi Hendrix
By Jimi Hendrix
Release date: By 03 November, 1998

Sunday, December 05, 2004

A rush of thoughts
Current mood: contemplative

My worst pains are the words I cannot say,
The acts I cannot do,
Or the thoughts I cannot share.
I call myself a revolutionary thinker.
But what kind of revolution can rise from the oppressed?

Open your eyes to my beautiful struggle
The fight for my liberation.
Do not lower your gaze, but look straight into my eyes.
Do you see those sparkles aglow within? Its flames will burn you like my fury.
The deep conflagration of my mind will confound you, and abuse you.
I will not stop, I will not capitulate to your ignorance and despise.

You didn’t hear me when I cried.
You muffled all the screaming.
You feared that change would bring your ego to demise.
So you pinioned me to an anvil and threw me into the sea.
It was so deep, so cold, and miserable, but I did not drown.
I survived your tyranny, your merciless repression.

I will rise from the dust that flew into my eyes,
When the winds blew me off my feet to stop me.
I will heal from the wounds that dug deep into my soul
When you stabbed me wrathfully with suppression.
I will crawl, then I’ll limp, and then I will run to my freedom.
I will unfetter, I will surmount, I will prove I am worthy.
Worthy of myself, worthy of my voice.


You were numb to all your senses.
You did not hear, you did not see. You did not feel the pain.
But now, I have imposed my will to fight your inner soul, so weak.
Have you changed? Have you recanted?
The solution is not contingent on the politically correct,
But rather your change of heart and soul.

Save yourself, and hear my words. I cannot stand this pain any longer.

Currently reading:
Thoughts on Machiavelli
By Leo Strauss
Release date: By 15 October, 1995